The Red Brick Times

Welcome to December. It is predicted that high temps will be in the low 30's all next week, and snow and ice will begin today. It is my fault. I was scrubbing screens and washing windows outdoors for the last couple of days. Well, it WAS 65 degrees and sunny. My next-door neighbor took me to task for doing "spring work" in November and sure enough, the weather gods objected. I finished working at about 1PM on Thursday. The rain begannfalling at 2PM and hasn't let up yet. Temperatures dropped 20 degrees in two hours, and my back yard is looking lake-like. Glad I put in a yard drain all those years ago; my feet should stay dry. I will let you know if boats start towing cars down the street.

My next-door neighbor has, over the years, populated his yard with an ever-increasing collection of Christmas decorations. Each evening they all spring to life as if commanded by a zombie master. Rising slowly from the ground like reincarnated corpses are Santa Claus, Frosty the Snowman, a polar bear atop his igloo, and a construction shaped like a merry-go-round with figures revolving around and around behind a plastic window. A double line of wicker reindeer with bobbing heads and white light bulbs lead an illuminated sleigh next to a mangy miniature manger and eight tiny wise men. The hum of blowers accompanies these overinflated expectations of the season. And, like retailers' expectations, they go dark and collapse to limp plastic lumps late at night.

The spookiest thing is the music. At all hours of the day or night, badly arranged Christmas music arose from his yard, synthesized, tinny and distorted. I could hear it in my house, through closed windows and even over my radio. Repeatedly I went outside to track it, but each time I headed for his yard, the music stopped. Today, I happened to be outside washing windows when a scratchy "Angels we have heard get high" blared out. After a short stalk, at the front of the limp and deflated Christmas-go-round, I found a zippered pocket. Inside that pocket is a plastic bag. Inside that plastic bag, is a black plastic box haunted by the spirit of electronic Xmas Muzak. On it there is a knob. I turned the knob, and everything went silent night, holy night. Guerilla action for the holidays. Hooray!
Posted 12:30 AM by Andy (0) comments

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