The Red Brick Times

Cocktails of the haggis hunter

Whisky with haggis chaser
Ingredients:
Large bottle of malt whisky
A Haggis
A glass
A very very small amount of water (dinnae droon it laddie)

Method:
Place generous amount of whisky in glass.
Wave water over whisky.
Drink whisky.
Cook haggis the following morning and serve on toast
with brown sauce as an excellent hangover cure.

Bloody Haggis
Ingredients:
Large bottle of malt whisky
A glass
A very very small jug of water
Tomato juice
Worcester sauce
Stick of celery
Bottle of vodka

Method:
Place generous amount of whisky in glass.
Wave water quickly over whisky.
Reserve tomato juice for the next time you cook linguine.
Place celery in bonnet.
Dab Worcester sauce behind ears.
You are now ready for a night on the town.
Put vodka somewhere that local teenagers will be unable to find it.
Drink whisky.
Cook haggis the following morning and serve on toast
with brown sauce as an excellent hangover cure.
Posted 1:19 PM by Andy (5) comments

       Comments:

Cocktails of the haggis hunter, continued.

Haggis sunrise
Ingredients:
Large bottle of malt whisky
A large carton of orange juice
A Haggis
A glass
A very very small jug of water

Method:
Dash eight sloshes of whisky into glass.
Show water to whisky from minimum distance of ten yards.
Carefully put carton of orange juice unopened in fridge lest it go off.
Drink whisky.
Cook haggis the following morning and serve on toast
with brown sauce as an excellent hangover cure.

Sloe comfortable haggis against the wall
Ingredients:
Large bottle of malt whisky
A large carton of orange juice
A Haggis
A glass
A very very small jug of water
A random selection of those lesser liquors in garish bottles so beloved by dull people seeking glamour

Method:
Half-fill glass with whisky, then add more whisky.
Sotto voce mention existence of water to whisky.
Pour other spirits into the nearest potted plant.
Give juice to tee totaller.
Drink whisky.
Cook haggis the following morning and serve on toast
with brown sauce as an excellent hangover cure.

Haggis on the beach
Ingredients:
Large bottle of malt whisky
A haggis
A very very small jug of water
Bag of sand

Method:
Pour sand on ground.
Pour water on ground.
Strip down to your underwear.
You are now at the beach.
Use haggis as a beachball.
Drink whisky from the bottle.

Russian Haggis
Ingredients:
Large bottle of malt whisky
A glass
A very very small jug of water
Bottle of vodka
Coffee liqueur
Cream

Method:
Hold bottle of whisky vertically over glass for several seconds.
Place jug of water in next room.
Carefully position liqueur in cupboard beside tea bags
– if you want ****ing coffee, you’ll drink ****ing coffee.
Place vodka unopened in freezer – it’ll feel at home there.
Drink whisky.
Cook haggis the following morning and serve on toast
with brown sauce as an excellent hangover cure.
Drizzle cream round plate for dead classy presentation.

Haggis margarita
Ingredients:
Large bottle of malt whisky
A Haggis
A lime
Lime juice
Bottle of tequila
Salt
A glass
Another glass
Small jug of water.

Method:
Wet rim of glass and dip in salt.
Cut lime into slices and attach to rim of glass.
Wet bottom of glass with lime juice.
Fill glass to rim with tequila.
Drop lit match into glass.
Now you have made a nice home-made heater,
sit down beside it, rest your feet on the haggis
and enjoy a wee dram.

# posted by  Andy : January 16, 2007 1:41 PM
 
Are we mourning the 300th anniversary of captivity to the British Crown???

# posted by  Terri S : January 16, 2007 10:28 PM
 
Always and with feeling.

# posted by  Andy : January 17, 2007 6:13 PM
 
And sir, when you pour that wee dram, what name is on the label?

# posted by  Terri S : January 17, 2007 6:45 PM
 
White House Artesian Springs

# posted by  Andy : January 18, 2007 10:23 PM
 
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