The Red Brick Times

Some of you may remember my stepbrother Brad. He came here and stayed with me occasionally over the years and even made several solstices. A few days ago I received this email:

This is Paul Lxxxxx, Brad's high school friend, I am at Brad's house. Brad is in Elkhart General in Critical Care Unit. It appears Brad took a fall in the house on Jan 3 and was suffering from the effects of liver and kidney failure due to the years of alcohol abuse. Brad needs everyone's prayers and support to get through this and gets his life back on track for him and Seth's sake. You can call me on my cell phone 419-xxx-xxxx and I can tell you more and keep you updated as to his condition.

Paul figured out who I was by going through Brads' computer, hence the email. I called. After not being able to contact Brad in Indiana this Paul guy, together with other of Brads' friends in Mansfiield, became so concerned about his welfare that they asked the local sheriff to investigate. Brad was found passed out in his house, a cut on his head from a fall, blood everywhere. He was rushed to the local hospital and has been in intensive care since. His liver is gone, his kidneys failing and he cannot breath without assistance. He's minimally responsive to what's going on around him. The people I've spoken with at the hospital are not optimistic about his chances.

Brad had had a serious alcohol related traffic accident some years ago. I went there then and ended up pretty satisfied that that incident shocked him into getting a grip on what was happening with his life. We mostly stayed in touch through emails but he did call several times through my last hospital stay. He sounded fine. Paul said he was good at sounding fine when he wanted to. I had no idea what was really happening. I feel so guilty. His Mansfield friends were obviously much better friends to him than I was. I mean, we never lived together, I was long gone by the time my father and his mother married. But still. He must have felt so alone.
Posted 5:23 PM by whatley (7) comments

       Comments:

I met Brad, who knows when? I'm sorry to hear of his fate. E. Rigbe is not the only one. I, too, feel isolated at times. I miss the solstice celebrations. I have my routine and don't get out much. Email and the occasional blog now and then help.

# posted by  Ray : January 12, 2008 7:14 PM
 
I am regretful of my own neglects and omissions over the years. I can only be what I am, regardless of how whacked everyone else sees me. Russ, I think you are OK and doing fine, and accept you as I find you.

# posted by  Andy : January 14, 2008 2:15 AM
 
Yesterday Brad was to be seen by one final specialist. If he concurred with the other doctors then the family (an uncle) had decided to remove life support. Brad wasn't expected to survive.

I wasn't to happy about this but had no say. The uncle won't let the hospital update me anymore so I got this info second hand from Paul. Normally I would have been there days ago. Good luck with trying to keep me out of the decision loop then motherfuckers. But no, I can't do things like that anymore. Travel I mean. It's very hard getting used to that.

But!!! Paul called with some good news. Brad's liver has started responding, enough to noticeably lower his ammonia level. He actually came to a bit. He's still on a respirator (and trying to pull it out) but recognizes people. Whew.

# posted by  whatley : January 15, 2008 5:30 AM
 
Andy is on track regarding accepting people for who they are. It is not in our power to change anyone but ourselves. Russ, don't beat yourself up over "not being there". You said it yourself, Brad seemed fine when last you spoke. If he had wanted something from you, he would have asked.
I have learned, from working with many clients with serious problems, that it takes a level of respect for people to allow them to make their own decisions. Even if you think you know better.

# posted by  Terri S : January 16, 2008 6:32 AM
 
Paul called yesterday early evening to tell me that the small signs of a possible upturn had reversed themselves. With the doctors agreement, and feeling they would be acting as Brad would wish, he, another old Mansfield friend, and the uncle instructed the hospital to not re-install the ventilator or use any other "heroic measures" at this point. Brad died at 8:30 last night.

# posted by  whatley : January 18, 2008 4:16 AM
 
My condolences.

# posted by  Terri S : January 18, 2008 6:39 PM
 
Icing on the cake.

Brad's funeral was last Saturday in Indiana. With dialysis and all there was no way I could go. He's being buried in Mansfield this Saturday in the same plot my father and his mother are in, so the plan was to do that late enough in the afternoon that I could do dialysis (7:00am-noon) and still make it down there in time. I even talked to the dialysis people about starting a bit earlier to give me some wiggle room. No go. The cemetery refuses to allow anything to begin after 11:00am.

I don't know what to do now. I asked a dialysis nurse I know about skipping that session. She said I'd live but, because it'd be a five day skip, probably be one sick motherfucker by my next scheduled time. Worst thing is that this may be the only chance I'll ever have to see Brad's son Seth again. I suppose I'll never be a part of his life but I'd like him to know I exist, that he has a step-uncle, for whatever that's worth.

Fuck. It's just one thing after another. I'm starting to get beat down.

# posted by  whatley : January 23, 2008 5:30 AM
 
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